World Mental Health Day: Kindness, Connection and Being More Human
World Mental Health Day (10th October) was a reminder to pause and think about our mental health, and the mental health of those around us. An opportunity to reflect on how we look after ourselves, how we support one another, and how we can make it a little easier to talk about the things we sometimes find difficult.
To celebrate I attended talks at the Henley Literary Festival, listening to Charlie Mackesy talk about his much-loved books including The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, Dr Sian Williams discuss The Power of Anxiety, and Norman Lamb share ideas from his book Be More Human. Although each author approached mental health from a different perspective, I came away thinking about how closely their messages connect.
The common thread was the importance of kindness, understanding ourselves a little better, and recognising that we all need connection and support at different points in our lives.
The power of kindness: Charlie Mackesy
For years I’ve turned to The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse when I need some strength and uplifting words. The book by your bedside that lifts you every time you dip into it. Through simple words, beautiful illustrations and the friendship between four very different characters, Charlie Mackesy explores some of the things that matter most in life: kindness, vulnerability, courage, hope and belonging.
Listening to Charlie speak was a lovely reminder that sometimes the simplest messages are the ones we most need to hear. We can be incredibly hard on ourselves. We may feel that we should be coping better, that we should have things figured out by now, or that asking for help somehow means we have failed. We can become so focused on what we think we ought to be doing that we forget to offer ourselves the same compassion we would readily give to someone we love.
The book also reminds us of the importance of connection. We don't always need someone to fix things or find the perfect words. Sometimes we simply need someone who will listen, sit alongside us and help us feel a little less alone.
I think this is particularly important for children and young people, who may not always have the words to explain what they are feeling. Being met with curiosity, patience and kindness can help them feel safe enough to begin to make sense of their experiences.
And perhaps this is something we could all benefit from remembering: we don't have to have all the answers. Sometimes, being there for one another is enough.
Learning to live with anxiety: Dr Sian Williams
I was interested to hear Dr Sian Williams discuss her book The Power of Anxiety: How to Ride the Worry Wave. Rather than viewing anxiety simply as something to get rid of, her approach encourages us to understand it differently and learn how to live alongside it.
A helpful shift in perspective because anxiety is something many of us will experience at different points in our lives.
When we experience anxiety, our instinct may be to fight it, push it away or become frustrated with ourselves for feeling anxious in the first place. We might avoid situations that make us uncomfortable, only to find that our world gradually becomes smaller.
What if, instead, we could become a little more curious about our anxiety?
Sometimes anxiety is our body's way of alerting us to something that feels uncertain, threatening or important. It can be useful to pause and ask ourselves what might be going on beneath the surface. Is there something we are worried about? Are we putting ourselves under too much pressure? Are we trying to meet everyone else's expectations while overlooking our own needs?
We can gradually learn to recognise our thoughts and physical sensations, develop ways of managing them, and find a little more space between feeling anxious and deciding what to do next. For children and young people, this can be especially important. Anxiety might look like irritability, withdrawal, perfectionism, difficulty sleeping or reluctance to attend school. What appears to be challenging behaviour can sometimes be a sign that a young person is struggling with feelings they don't yet know how to manage. Approaching these moments with understanding rather than judgement can make a real difference.
Putting people first: Norman Lamb
Norman Lamb's Be More Human takes us beyond our individual experiences of mental health and asks us to consider the wider systems and communities in which we live.
His message is an important one: mental health care needs to be more human. It needs to recognise the person behind the diagnosis, understand the circumstances affecting their wellbeing, and consider what might genuinely help them to feel supported.
Mental health difficulties rarely exist in isolation from the rest of our lives. Relationships, family pressures, loneliness, financial worries, experiences at school or work, and difficult things that have happened to us can all influence how we feel.
Norman Lamb's work highlights the importance of compassionate, person-centred care, stronger communities and approaches that look beyond symptoms to the wider needs of the individual. He talked about inspiring communities like Trieste, Italy and pioneering doctors and head teachers that are reimagining what good wellbeing support looks like.
This connects closely with how I think about counselling. Each person who comes to counselling brings their own experiences, relationships, strengths, worries and hopes. There isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to understanding someone, because we are all shaped by different circumstances and experiences.It is important to make space for the whole person, rather than focusing only on what feels wrong.
For children and young people, this might mean looking beyond a difficulty with behaviour or attendance and wondering what else could be happening in their world. For adults, it might mean recognising the impact of years of putting others first, managing esponsibilities or feeling that they need to keep everything together.
Being more human means listening without rushing to judgement, making room for difficult conversations and recognising that asking for help is not a weakness. It also means understanding that supporting mental health is not simply the responsibility of individuals or professionals. Families, schools, workplaces and communities all have a part to play in creating environments where people feel able to speak openly and seek support.
What connects these three books?
As I reflected on the three talks, I found myself thinking about how naturally their messages sit alongside one another. Charlie Mackesy reminds us of the importance of kindness, vulnerability and connection. Dr Sian Williams encourages us to understand our anxiety with greater curiosity and compassion, rather than seeing it as something that makes us weak or inadequate. Norman Lamb challenges us to think about how we care for people experiencing mental health difficulties, and how we can build a more compassionate and supportive society.
Together, these ideas remind us that mental health isn't just about managing symptoms or trying to feel better as quickly as possible. It is also about how we relate to ourselves, how we relate to others, and whether we feel safe enough to be honest about what we are experiencing.
Charlie Mackesy wrote:
“What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever said” asked the boy
“Help” said the horse
Sometimes, the first step towards feeling better is simply being able to say, "I'm finding things difficult at the moment."
Sometimes, it is having someone listen without trying to solve everything.
And sometimes, it is learning to recognise that we deserve the same kindness and understanding that we offer so freely to others.
A little more kindness, a little more connection
World Mental Health Day gives us an opportunity to think about what we can do, both for ourselves and for the people around us.
We don't need to make grand gestures. Small things can matter enormously.
We can check in with a friend or family member and take the time to really listen to their answer. We can make space for children and young people to talk about their feelings without worrying that they will be judged or dismissed. We can notice when we are being particularly hard on ourselves and try to respond with a little more compassion.
We can also remind ourselves that we don't have to wait until things feel unbearable before reaching out for support.
Listening to these three authors at Henley Literary Festival reminded me that, although mental health can be complex, some of the things that help us are beautifully human: kindness, understanding, connection and the feeling that we don't have to face everything alone.
Perhaps, this World Mental Health Day, we could all try to offer a little more of these things to ourselves and to one another. Because sometimes, the smallest moments of connection can make the biggest difference.
If you are finding things difficult at the moment, please remember that you don't have to work everything out on your own. Reaching out for support can be a positive first step.
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